As anyone can deduce by simple powers of
observation, Matt and I do not have children. Most of our closer friends
and a few
others have been in the loop regarding our struggles with
infertility. But until recently, we have been guarded about sharing
openly on this subject. Some might be disappointed or possibly hurt that
I have not talked to them more about this. Because of this, I want to
share just a few reasons that infertility has been hard for us to talk about:
1. The helplessness associated with infertility
can be paralyzing.Therefore, sometimes silence is easier than
openness.
2. My feelings associated with infertility are
closely akin to grief. I have lost multiple family members over the
course of my life. My feelings and thoughts on infertility are extremely
similar to what I have felt in losing my mom, grandparents and
stepfather. Trying to talk about something so personal can be challenging.
3. Seems like everybody with kids insists on
giving their advice to infertile couples. Sometimes I just don’t want to
hear from someone who’s had no problems having children tell me what I’m doing
wrong.
4. You can’t please everyone. Everybody has
an opinion about what you should and should not do. Regardless of what
steps Matt and I end up taking or not taking in order to have children,
somebody will think we did the wrong thing, or that we didn’t do enough, or
that we did too much.
5. Infertility is almost like a terminal illness
or a communicable disease. Unless we are blessed with a massive amount of
money for treatments or God does the miraculous, this is where we are.
Things can change. It’s not by any means
impossible. But this is where we are today. Therefore, what I understand today
about God’s role in all of this will probably change tomorrow and it will
definitely change six months from now. So it’s hard to share with people
what I myself am still trying to wrap my mind around.
So what does the Gospel have to do with
infertility? How does Christ’s work on the Cross of Calvary affect our
situation? Before proceeding, I have one disclaimer: I wanted to
write this post sooner, but understanding how Christ uses the Gospel to change me
and redeem me in the midst of infertility is not something that I have been
able to easily grasp or accept. Like #5 above, a year from now, I’ll
probably have much more and better things to say on this subject. So, here's
where I'm at today:
1
Peter 1:3-4: “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused
us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ
from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading,
kept in heaven for you.”
The
Gospel does not promise us a fulfillment of our wildest dreams. When God saves someone,
she is not automatically given a BMW or promised health and wealth and easy
living. We don’t get everything we’ve
ever wanted right when we want it. However, what we do understand about the
Gospel is that it redeems us from sin and restores our relationship to our Creator
and we are adopted into the eternal family of God. However, redemption is
a process. Although from a judicious standpoint, I stand confirmed, restored
and clean before God (imputation), yet I have not been perfected because
sanctification is an ongoing process that will not be complete until this
present earthly life is long gone and I stand before my God. The point is, I currently live in a body
infected by sin and I believe this includes infertility.
What about asking God to
heal my body? Yes, we do see several
examples in Scripture of women of faith who prayed earnestly for children and
God (in His time) granted them children.
This could happen for us as well, but I do not have some sort of special
word from God apart from Scripture (tongue in cheek) that He will do this for
us. Of course, He can grant me
wonderfully healthy super-awesome eggs.
He can do anything He wants.
The Gospel is for the Glory of God. If
you spend much time reading God’s Word then you will see that there is a
purpose afoot in all that God does.
Ultimately, God’s purpose is to bring glory to himself. Jesus came to earth and accomplished
salvation as a part of that purpose and his most glorious moment was when he
was on the cross. In the midst of the
sorrow, pain and death, Jesus perfectly displayed love, grace, wrath (on sin),
mercy and power all of the attributes of God were made manifest in the death of
Christ. The Gospel is for the glory of
God! It is not to make me happy. It is not to make me feel significant. I mention happiness and significance because
these are two feelings that I think are closely associated with
parenthood. Moms feel significant
because they are moms and that obviously brings them happiness. These are not bad things, but God does not
guarantee me these feelings in this life.
Just as Jesus was about
the Father’s business and fulfilling his purpose, I too have a purpose. My purpose is to bring God glory in my
life. Of course, I fail at this every
day. But this is what I am created and called
to do. This is where my significance
should be found. What we see in
Scripture is that sometimes, God chooses hardship and suffering as the means
for sanctification for us and glory for Him in our lives (Job, Paul,
etc.). My worship of God cannot be
contingent upon Him giving me what I want (I Th. 5:18).
The Gospel is the Means for our Ultimate
Reward. As Debbie Todd wrote about in the previous
post, as believers, our reward is Jesus.
My greatest joy and fulfillment is found in knowing and being known
Jesus Christ. He is my inheritance and
having a child will never compare to this!
As my friend Debbie has reminded me, this journey is a part of my
sanctification. God is using this
struggle not only to make me more like Christ, but to make Christ my chief
desire.
The Gospel Gives the Gift of Hope. If
nothing else, we have hope because of the Gospel. Jesus is our living
hope!
So based on all that God
has given me and purposed for me through the Gospel with regard to infertility,
what I truly feel right now – today – is joy.
Joy that the God of the universe, holy and mighty, loving and kind, has
chosen to save me and that in his sovereignty, has purposed to use my life to
bring glory to Himself.
Lam. 3:24: ‘“The LORD is my portion,” says my soul,
“therefore I will hope in him.” The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to
the soul who seeks him. It is good that
one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.”
My prayer on this journey is that God would be honored and glorified in
my life, in my husband’s life and in our marriage. May He use whatever circumstances or means
necessary to achieve this goal. Would
you pray this prayer with me and would you be so bold as to prayer it for your
own life as well?
